Coping with Failure

Failure refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, and may be viewed as the opposite of success.

Types of failure

•          Failure can be differentially perceived from the viewpoints of the evaluators.

Types of Failure

•          Failure to anticipate, Failure to perceive, Failure to carry out a task

•          Loser is a insulting term for a person who is generally unsuccessful.

Winners Vs Losers

•          “The Winner is always a part of the answer;  The Loser is always a part of the problem          

•          The Winner always has a programme;  The Loser always has an excuse.

•          The Winner says, “Let me do it for you”; The Loser says. “ That is not my job

•          The Winner sees an answer for every problem; The Loser sees a problem for every answer.

•          The Winner says, “It may be difficult but is possible”; The Loser says,  “ It may be possible but is too difficult.”

•          When a Winner makes a mistake, he says, “ I was wrong”; When a Loser makes a mistake, he says, “ It wasn’t my fault.”

•          Winners have dreams; Losers have schemes.

•          Winners see the gain;Losers see the pain.

•          Winners see possibilities; Losers see problems.

•          Winners believe in Win/Win; Losers believe, for them to win someone has to lose.

Three notions of failure

1. Failure is an event in the ‘real’ world. Therefore beliefs and assumptions can only cause failure through affecting people’s behaviour

2.       Failure is a  mismatch between events in the ‘real’ world and expectations in the ‘mental’ world. Cognitive errors may perhaps cause failure in two ways: either by causing ‘incorrect’ behaviour or by perverting perceptions and/or expectations.

  3. Failure is an event entirely in the ‘mental’ world (as an experience of dissatisfaction), and so may be directly caused by mental objects such as false theorems.

Positive Attitude towards Failure  “You can look at your

•          limitations and believe that they can be corrected or supplemented.

•          faults and shortcomings and believe that you can improve yourself.

•          inadequate experience and training and believe that you can acquire new skills.

•          your fears and build pillars of courageous faith into your life. You can say, “God plus me equals a majority.”

•          your imperfections and respect yourself anyway; you can affirm to yourself, “when I am good – I’m good; when I’m not – I’m human!

•          Possibility Thinkers are those persons who intuitively embrace a positive self-image and assume that they “can”.

•          Failure is never final to the person who has a healthy self-regard. Success is never ending to the person who keeps believing. “I’ve got a lot to offer and I’ve still got a lot to give. Next time I’ll make it.”

How to look at things in a different perspective

•          1) Know your limits. Failure is not an option. Whether you realize it or not, you still have the power to choose the right decision in reducing your chances to make another mistake or failure.

•          2) Don't compare yourself. Sometimes, we tend to overlook other people's success into our own. We don't realize that it only torments our so-called egos to the point where we lose the passion and confidence to the things we are capable to do.

•          3) Don't let high expectation of other's affect you. These expectations are highly imposed by our immediate family members, friends, teachers, co-workers, colleagues, husband, wife and others

•          4) Be realistic. You must be man enough in facing your biggest mistakes and its consequences. Instead of blaming yourself forever for becoming a total failure. You have to sort things out on what went wrong and do better next time as simple as that. Remember your failures and mistakes doesn't define and make you a lesser person.

•          5) Avoid taking yourself too seriously. Sometimes, you have to find a sense of humor in simple things up to complex despite all the chaos. Life is boring without something to laugh about at the end of the day. So what if people laugh at you? perspective

•          6) Be "Rich in Fine Works". Brighten up a person's day by sharing positive thoughts. Give a little love and all comes back to you. Don't you just sit out there, sometimes you have to be the one to get involve, explore all the possibilities that life has to offer. Just go and have a life!

•          7) Seize the day. We have to learn how to live life as if it is our last because it is the only way we can appreciate how marvelous the gift of life. As well as counting our everyday blessings literally.

•          8) Be a blessing to others. No matter how well or bad they treated you be nice and open anyway. Sooner, they will come to realize it in return.

Rational Approach

•          The first thing you want to ask yourself after deciding that a, “How can I understand the reason for this failure

•          An important part of coping with failure is developing the kind of coping attitude toward life. 

•          Being Persistent: not give up after failing if we view our failure as resulting from lack of effort. When adopting a problem-solving attitude it is upto us to take responsibility for our failure. Persistence also involves focusing on achieving success rather than worrying about avoiding failure.

Maintaining Pride by applying Effort and Talent

•          After considering how we can feel good about ourselves when we succeed, we might want to ask how we maintain pride when we fail.

Finding the Right Balance between Self-Handicapping and Self-Responsibility.

Seeking Challenges: Seeking Challenges has a lot to do with self-efficacy. Self-efficacy is developed by living a life of goals, seeking out good role models and exerting enough energy to experience meaningful accomplishments..

Finding the Right Balance between Self-Handicapping and Self-Responsibility.

We therefore have to learn how to savor successes and to cope adaptively with failures. When it comes to savoring successes, we will want to practice the skill of rewarding ourselves.

Developing Competencies The concepts of self efficacy and internal control are related to the desire to learn new things, to master challenges, and to develop competencies. This kind of life attitude is very useful for helping us cope with failure.

Using Failure as an Opportunity to Develop Competencies

Taking Credit for our Effort and Ability

Living with Realistic Expectations:

Setting Goals that will make our Lives Interesting and Rewarding

Matching Expectations to the Difficulty of the Challenge

Failure Does not Mean . . . 

•          “Failure doesn’t mean you were dumb to try; it means you had courage to explore and experiment to see what would work and what would not.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you don’t know how to make decisions; it just means you have to make another decision.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you are a failure . . .it does mean you haven’t succeeded yet.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you have accomplished nothing . . . it does mean you have learned something.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you’ve been disgraced . . . it does mean you were willing to try.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you don’t have it . . . it does mean you have to do something in a different way.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you’ve wasted your life. . . it does mean you have a reason to start afresh.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you should give up . . . it does mean you must try harder.

•          Failure doesn’t mean you’ll never make it. . . it does mean it will take a little longer.

•          Failure doesn’t mean God has abandoned you . . . it does mean God has a better idea!